Facts Shmacts

Yada yada yada, but what's the story? That's what is so hard about all of this. When you're in a bind with a mentally ill person, what do you do? Especially someone who's illness is built around narratives and plot lines and archetypes?

That's what I mean about clinging to what I know to be true. I can look at this extended family that my children belong to and I can see the importance of each involved person. I can also see the narrative lines that the GEM takes and exploits.

The fact is that she tried to orchestrate an arrest of myself and my wife for what she called 'custodial interference.' We had a disagreement about when and where the kids where supposed to be exchanged and how daycare was supposed to be handled. Rather than work it out and find a way to compromise, the GEM called the Beaverton police department and pretended to not know where her child was. This despite the fact that she had already called the school and had been told that the kid was picked up by her father.

She then called me and left angry messages ordering me to bring Aoibhinn to her.

The police called me and discussed what was happening. The cop was a bit on the confrontational side. I told him I had A and I planned on getting her back to her mom as soon as I could find out where she was and arrange the drop-off. (It turned out that the GEM had rushed to the daycare and picked up M while I was sitting upstairs with A.)

I also told the cop that nine months previous, the GEM had decided she wanted to keep the kids for a weekend in the summer and rather than swap with me, she just kept them and didn't return them to me on Tuesday. I called her a couple of times and tried to get them back, even asking her if I should call the police. Her response made it clear she already looked into the consequences of keeping the kids on my time. She said, "Go ahead. Call the cops. It's a civil matter and they won't do anything."

So, cop on the phone hangs up. He calls back a half-hour later and I tell him I'm on the way to drop A at her mom's house. He says, "Yeah, well good luck. She's on the other line right now with my sergeant trying to get him to write me up."

I'd like to say something glib, make a flip comment here, but this is a mental illness. As I am becoming more aware of what I'm dealing with it's becoming more real. Just like I wouldn't expect a man on crutches to manage a trip up a staircase, I'm becoming more aware that this mental illness is not something that can be treated by expecting normal social functioning.

Yet, it is causing harm to everyone else in this blended family. The children are least aware and most at risk.

So, what? What now?